


How Could You Let Me Just Walk Out?

by horrorgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Betrayal, Brother Feels, Confrontations, Fluff, Heartbreak, Lies, Loss, M/M, Smut, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-19 23:16:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7381468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horrorgirl/pseuds/horrorgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After everything they've been through, Dean Winchester learns that his best friend has lied to him, betrayed him, and even worse, he admitted it. It isn't until the sun goes down that he starts to learn the truth, a truth that threatens everything that he knows and loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Could You Let Me Just Walk Out?

He knew that his foot was heavy on the gas pedal, but he didn't care, not tonight. The loud rock music that usually offered a distraction served to frame the two word mantra that he couldn't get away from. At least it was dark and his face was shadowed from his younger brother sitting just a few feet away. He hadn't torn his eyes from the road, but he could sense the furtive looks of confusion and concern. His grip on the steering wheel tightened as he tried to ignore the repeated rhythm of three simple syllables that had cut him so deeply.

"Goodbye, Dean."

The years of turning around to a soft and gravely voice saying, "Hello Dean" had all but been erased by the cold calculation of the look that had been given to him just a few hours ago. It was over.

\-------------------------

Sam glanced at his brother's stony profile and turned to watch the trees rolling by quickly in the dark. He had seen Dean angry, Dean was usually angry. He had seen Dean hurt, but this was something else entirely. They hadn't spoken in hours, in fact the last words that he'd heard came from Cas before Dean turned and silently walked out of the warehouse. Sam had watched Cas drop his head to stare at the dirty floor before he followed his brother to the car. He didn't know where they were going, but he knew that they wouldn't stop until either they ran out of gas or until Dean was too tired to drive anymore. For the first time, Sam wasn't annoyed by the squealing of guitar solo's wailing from the speakers, he knew that the silence would be painful. 

\-------------------------

Angels don't feel emotions. Cas had to keep telling himself that as he sat on an overturned crate with his head hanging between his knees. He'd felt the flicker of betrayal and mistrust in Dean's eyes, it was physical. But, angels don't feel emotions. The tears that were sliding down his cheeks and pooling on the floor between his feet matched with the dull ache in his chest said differently. 

\-------------------------

Sam leaned against the car waiting for Dean to finish checking into a room in a cheap motel in a town he didn't recognize. He was surprised when Dean didn't stop to buy liquor. Sam watched him unlock the door and walk into a room, leaving him to grab their bags out of the car. Dean was already on one of the beds, his arm thrown across his eyes before Sam had the door shut behind him. He knew that they had gone to the warehouse to confront Cas, he knew that Dean didn't want to accept that Cas had been lying to him, he knew better than to try and get his brother to talk to him. 

\-------------------------

Dean didn't want to numb his mind with alcohol, not this time. Even though he knew that Cas had been making deals with the other side behind his back, he didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to believe that Cas had been lying to him, not after everything they had been through. Dean tried to be cold, untouchable. But, when he did care, he gave everything that he had. Cas was an angel, not even truly human, but Dean had trusted him. He would do anything for him. The only thing that ever came before Cas was Sam, but that went without saying. He could hear Sam moving nervously around the motel room, he knew that Sam wanted him to say something, anything. He was in no place to talk, but Sam wouldn't relax until he heard the sound of his voice. "I'm not sure where in the hell we are." he mumbled, his arm still over his eyes, "but I figure we can head up towards Bobby's in the morning."

"Yeah Dean, sounds good." Sam said quietly. Dean's need to go to Bobby's put him at ease. Bobby was like a father to them, his home was the only place where either one of the Winchester brothers felt safe. Dean wasn't going to drink his way through this. Sam wordlessly went into the bathroom to wash the road grime from his body before he tried to sleep. He knew that Dean would be up all night, laying in that same position, trying to figure out where things had gone wrong.

\-------------------------

Dean had wanted to hate Cas the first time he laid eyes on him, but he couldn't. They had fought together, even against one another, but he couldn't give up on Cas. Even when they were on opposite sides, Cas was still his hope. Cas believed in him in ways that not even Sam or Bobby did. Those rare moments when he believed in himself were because of Cas. He never thought that Cas would turn his back on him, but he couldn't escape the emptiness in those blue eyes when he heard the word goodbye. As much as he wanted to cry, he couldn't. Somehow he had failed Cas, made him feel like he needed to lie. This wasn't something that he could just drink away. This was something new, and he didn't know what to do with it.

\------------------------

"I let Bobby know that we should make it up there by tonight." Dean told Sam wearily as he hung up his phone. 

Sam just nodded and took their bags out to the car, he knew that other than the music, it was going to be another silent drive. Every time he'd turned to ask Dean if he was okay, all it took was a look at his brother's face to know that he wasn't. Sam never understood the relationship between Dean and Cas, but he wasn't convinced that Dean and Cas understood their relationship. Even though he knew that Dean would always put him first, there were times when he was almost jealous of Cas. Cas knew Dean in a way that he never would. They got in the car and Dean gave him a forced smile as he turned the ignition and threw it into reverse.

\-----------------------

Bobby met them at the door with bear hugs and the promise of a hot meal. He'd always looked at the Winchester brothers like they were his own, the sons he'd never had. Between the weariness in Dean's voice on the phone and his dull tired eyes, he knew that something was wrong. He'd never admit it, but he'd always favored Dean. John Winchester had never allowed his boys to have much in the way of a childhood, especially Dean, but Dean had never left John, not until the day he died. Dean was fiercely loyal, and since Sam was obviously fine, he knew that this must have something to do with that angel. Bobby watched Dean grab a cold beer out of the refrigerator instead of pouring himself a glass of scotch and gave Sam a relieved look. 

After dinner, Dean grabbed another beer and went outside to walk around the salvage yard that Bobby called home. The questioning looks had become suffocating and he needed time to convince himself that this situation with Cas didn't hurt. The piles of crushed cars and scrap metal calmed him. This was the home that he'd never had, but always wanted. He knew every inch of the acres of junk that surrounded him. He walked for hours, he walked until both Bobby and Sam had gone to bed leaving him with just firelight, a blanket folded on one end of the couch, and a pillow on the other. He crawled onto the couch, road tired but just drifting on the edge of sleep, unknowingly waiting to hear the soft rustling that let him know that Cas had come to him. He eventually gave in to the exhaustion and started softly snoring. 

\-----------------------

Cas came to him in a dream. He felt calm hands slide under his t-shirt and curl around his ribs before moving up to his chest. Fighting the urge to wake up, he gave into the peace that Cas's hands brought him, and relaxed against the nubby fabric of Bobby's ancient couch. The last thing he remembered were fingers softly brushing through his hair. 

\-----------------------

Although the strong smell of coffee woke him up, he laid on the couch holding on to the memories of the dream. He relived the warmth that ran up his ribs and across his chest, before sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He folded the blanket into a neat square and wandered into the kitchen where he found Bobby at the table with a mug of coffee and a newspaper. Two empty mugs were sitting on the counter waiting for him and Sam. Dean felt a little guilty about his relief at finding Bobby at the table instead of his brother. Sam asked questions, Bobby didn't. He filled a mug and sat down across from the teddy bear of a man, Bobby's grumpy countenance always made him smile. He understood Bobby.

"So are you boys up this way looking for a job? Or are you planning to vacation here in this little slice of heaven?" Bobby asked, feigning ignorance. 

Dean didn't know what to say, he didn't have an answer. Sam's impeccable timing saved him, "I figured I'd see what's going on out there today. Things have been pretty quiet lately, which isn't always a good thing." Dean heard from behind him. Sam poured his own cup of coffee and sat down with Bobby and Dean. The comfort, the respect and love that settled over them is what Sam and Dean had wanted their entire lives, but it wasn't the life that John Winchester had provided. They had been raised on the road, moving from town to town, cheap motel to cheap motel. The 1967 Impala parked outside was the closest thing they'd had to a home as children. Sam couldn't remember how many nights he'd fallen asleep in the backseat, Dean's jacket covering his body to keep him warm. Even as a child, Dean was always the one who knew when Sam was tired, when he was cold, when he was hungry. John Winchester may have been his father, but it was his older brother who raised him. He glanced at Dean and saw him distractedly staring into his mug. He had watched Dean walk around outside last night. He could handle Dean when he was angry, but this...this was something new and he didn't know how to fix it. He had spent hours in a guest bedroom calling for Cas, begging Cas to come talk to him, knowing deep down that it was futile. He had seen the defeat in Cas's eyes when Dean had turned his back to leave, Cas was hurting too. Dean mumbled something about needing to work on the car and Sam could feel Bobby's eyes when they heard the door shut behind him.

"Now I'm not going to ask Dean because I know that he ain't one to talk, but what in the hell is going on here, Sam?"

Sam sighed and looked at the door, hoping that Dean didn't come back in the house. "Dean had a feeling that Cas was lying to him, making deals. We tracked him down and he confronted him. Cas didn't deny anything, he didn't explain himself, he just let Dean walk away."

Bobby stood up and poured himself another cup of coffee, "this is obviously one of those conversations that we need to pretend like we aren't having. He's gonna know that we're talking about him, but the least we could do is try and make it look like we're not." Sam followed him into the living room and turned on his computer while he waited for Bobby to get settled behind his desk. "So Cas is making deals."

"I don't know if he is, Bobby. I can't imagine why he would, and I seriously can't imagine him lying to Dean. None of it makes sense."

"You know, this hunting life was a whole lot easier before all of this angel and demon crap started."

"The demon crap started when our mom died, Bobby. You know that." Sam said quietly. 

The Winchester brothers were hunters, just as their father had been. He had raised them in the life, his only motivation was to find the demon that had killed their mother. He had trained his sons to be soldiers, killing machines. While other kids read about werewolves, Sam and Dean Winchester killed werewolves. While other kids saw movies about vampires, Sam and Dean Winchester killed vampires. They grew up knowing, seeing, that monsters are real. They are more than just stories told around a nighttime campfire. They do hide under the bed and in the closet. They do go bump in the night. Hunting wasn't a job, it was a life and usually the only way out was bloody. Bobby himself had been a part of the life, and in some ways still was. He had an expansive library full of lore, stories, fables. Hunters relied on Bobby for information. He may favor Dean, but the lore and the research was the bond that he shared with Sam. They both knew that one day Sam would take over where he left off. Sam was a hell of a hunter, but he wasn't made for the life in the same way that Dean was. Dean was physical and brutal. Dean didn't back down from a fight, he went looking for them. Dean was the only person that could say in all honesty that he'd been to hell and back. Although it had been years, Sam could still feel a sharp pain in his chest when he thought about Dean trading his soul for his life. It was still so surreal, characters in movies went to hell, not his brother. He remembered his tears, the bitter taste of alcohol, the plaintive offers to trade places with Dean. Even more clearly he remembered the night that Bobby showed up at his motel room with Dean. Four months after he had watched the hell hounds come for his brother, he had come back. An angel had raised Dean from the pit, the angel Castiel. 

"I'm sorry, son. I didn't mean..."

"I know, Bobby. A lot of hunters thought that my dad was crazy for hunting a demon, most of them didn't believe that demons really existed. We never thought that angels really existed until Cas saved Dean. Hell, we never knew that angels aren't much better than demons, we never knew that they have their own agenda. The life has changed."

"And now Dean thinks that his angel is making deals with demons?"

"I guess so. He hasn't really talked to me about it, I was just there when he confronted Cas. I know that Dean and Cas have had their problems, but I can't see Cas making deals and lying. He wouldn't do that to Dean."

They sat in silence, each in their own way wondering what the true nature of Cas and Dean's relationship was. It was something that was inexplicable. Cas belonged to Dean, and Dean needed Cas. 

\-------------------------

"Ready for a cold one?" 

Dean stood up and wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his greasy hand before he reached out to take the bottle from Sam. "Thanks man, perfect timing." he said after taking a long drink. "I've got to be honest with you Sammy, it's been almost 48 hours and you haven't asked me if I'm okay, I don't know if I should be worried about you." 

Sam opened his bottle and sat down on one of the porch steps. "I know it's pointless. You're not going to talk unless you want to."

Dean turned and looked at his baby brother, "that's never stopped you before." he said before finishing his beer in a few large swallows and leaning back over the engine. "Truth is Sammy." he said, his voice muffled, "I'm not okay. I don't think I'm anywhere near okay and I have no idea why I'm telling you this. I have this script memorized. You'll ask if there's anything you can do, and unless you can somehow time travel and stop him from doing what he's been doing, then the answer is no."

"Dean, you don't know for sure..."

Dean stood up and turned to face his brother, "I do know. You were there Sam." he said quietly. "What I don't know is why I can't just say fuck him and let it go."

"He's your best friend, Dean."

"Hunters know two types of people, family and other hunters. We don't have the luxury of having friends. That was my first mistake. I have gone months without seeing that bastard, and I've been fine. But right now..."

"I'm sorry, Dean." Sam whispered.

"Doesn't matter, Sammy. He isn't coming back. I guess we just turn him into a memory." Dean could still feel Cas's hands on him and it just intensified his sense of loss. He couldn't explain what Cas meant to him, but he'd never thought he'd have to picture a life without him. 

After a stifling silence Sam stood up, "I'll uh...let you get back to the car."

\----------------------

Every time the wind blew gently through the piles of junk, Dean thought he heard the familiar fluttering. 

\-----------------------

Cas came to Dean again in a dream. He still tried to fight the urge to wake up, but found himself reaching out. Where he expected to find nothing, he felt his fingers brush against flesh. Cas was there. He was able to wrap his hand around a wrist before he slowly sat up. He didn't know if this is what he wanted, he just knew that he couldn't let go, not yet. 

"It's not what you think, Dean."

Even as a whisper, the voice was still deep and gravely. Dean's grip tightened at the familiarity. "Then what is it, Cas? Why are you here?"

"I just need to know that you're safe."

Dean could hear the catch in Cas's whisper. He pulled him down to the couch. "What does that even mean?"

"I would rather you hate me and be alive..."

"Do you have any idea how many times I have tried to hate you, Cas? What in the fuck is going on?" He loosened his grip on Cas's wrist, he knew that Cas wasn't going anywhere.

"I lied, Dean. I haven't been making deals. I'm trying to protect you, and the less you know the better off you are. I shouldn't even be here."

Dean didn't know what to think, what to say. He needed to believe Cas. "God Cas, I've been pissed at you before, you've been pissed at me and we've gone our separate ways. But the other night, I begged you to explain yourself. I would have taken anything you said to me and we could have worked something out, but you were already gone. It wasn't a normal goodbye, Cas. You checked out. You made it clear that you don't want me in your life anymore. I have never felt that from you. I was dead in your eyes."

"I'm sorry, Dean" Cas softly cried. 

"I have spent two days trying to figure out what went wrong, trying to figure out why you don't trust me or believe in me anymore. The only reason that I ever trust myself, the only reason that I believe in myself is you. You have never doubted me, Cas. Not until now."

"I thought I was doing the right thing when you walked away from me. I needed you to believe that I don't want you in my life anymore. I needed to let you go, but I can't do it."

Dean leaned back against the couch and started rubbing his forehead, "So what now? We pretend like none of this ever happened? I'm really fucking confused Cas."

"If we pretend like nothing happened then I can't guarantee your safety."

"Guarantee my safety? Just stay and tell me what is going on, we'll figure it out."

"I can't tell you, please just trust me."

"Okay, but will you at least stay?" Dean whispered. 

"Dean, you don't understand..."

"I don't care, Cas. I'm not going to rent a billboard to advertise that you are here. Just stay..." 

Cas wordlessly moved to sit on the floor and lean back against the couch, listening to Dean settle in behind him. He was surprised when he felt Dean's arm slide over his shoulder, his hand resting on Cas's chest. This time it was Cas who reached to wrap his hand around Dean's wrist. He was so afraid, but he knew he couldn't leave.

Dean couldn't explain why he needed to feel Cas's heartbeat. He could never really explain how much Cas meant to him, but right now he didn't care. It hadn't even been two days since he'd watched those beautiful eyes turn cold, but it had torn him up. He needed Cas, he always would. "My safety, my anger, that doesn't matter right now." he whispered. Having Cas with him for an hour in the dark was better than not having Cas at all. 

\-----------------------

Dean woke up alone, but he knew that last night had been real. He also knew that he couldn't tell Sam or Bobby about it. Cas was afraid, Cas was trying to protect him, but Cas was still his. He just hoped that Sam wouldn't see it in his eyes. Sam would ask him questions that he didn't have answers for. He needed to keep his distance. 

\-----------------------

He heard the soft fluttering and felt Cas's weight against the couch. "I can't stay away, Dean." Cas whispered as he leaned his head back, searching for Dean's eyes in the dark. Dean rolled on his side and again pressed his hand against Cas's chest. "Then don't. And don't tell me that you need to stay away to protect me. I've been to hell, Cas. I can take care of myself." His fingers started moving against the fabric of Cas's shirt in a lazy pattern. Dean knew that none of this was sexual, it was comforting. With Cas he could let down his guard. He didn't have to be the angry and reckless Dean Winchester, not tonight. 

\-------------------------

Cas came to him every night.

\-------------------------

"Cas?" Dean whispered in the dark. 

"Hhmm?"

"That night at the warehouse, the night I confronted you, was the last time I saw your face. It was all anger and emptiness, and I hate it." He reached up and turned on the lamp, looking down at where Cas's head was resting on the couch. His eyes were warm and devoted when he looked back at Dean. "How could you have let me walk out of there that night? How could you let me believe that you had betrayed me? I don't need you to protect me, Cas. I need this...us. I need somebody who gives a shit about me, but not because they're family. I've never had that, not really."

"You are everything to me, Dean."

Dean sat up, his legs on either side of Cas's body, and wrapped both arms around the angel's chest from behind. He rested his cheek against the top of Cas's head when the tears came. "Don't ever do that to me again, don't let me walk away like that." Cas leaned his head back on the couch and reached up to pull Dean to him, pressing their foreheads together.

"I'm sorry Dean. I never wanted to hurt you."

Dean sat up, and ran his hands down his face. He felt Cas turn around and kneel on the floor between his legs, his hands resting on Dean's knees. It felt right when Cas leaned forward and pressed their lips together. Dean stopped thinking and gave in to what he felt when he kissed Cas back, nothing mattered except what was happening in this moment. He cradled Cas's face in his hands and pulled him in for a deeper kiss, parting Cas's lips with his tongue. The warms hands sliding slowly up his legs elicited a soft moan. He was disappointed when they stopped at the top of his thighs, he was growing hard and wanted to be touched. Cas's mouth was eager when Dean finally pulled away, panting. "Dean?" Cas whispered, "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have done that."

"No, Cas, you're fine. You didn't do anything wrong." Dean said quietly, wrapping his arms around him and pulling his head against his chest. "I just had to stop before it got too...before it went too far..." Cas was shaking in his embrace, his hands still softly gripping Dean's thighs. They both knew that angels weren't supposed to feel emotions, they also knew that Cas was the exception. Dean didn't want Cas shying away from him, "It's not you...not at all...I just can't let it happen like this." Once his heartbeat had slowed and Cas had stopped shaking, he let go and reached to turn the lamp off before he laid down. Cas sat back on the floor and leaned against the couch, hoping that Dean would wrap one arm around him like he had every other night. Dean pressed his hand against Cas's chest and whispered, "I've never cared about anyone that I've touched, and I've never touched anyone that I care about." Cas reached up to Dean's hand on his chest and covered it with his own, intertwining their fingers. Dean squeezed his hand and held them both against Cas as he drifted off to sleep. 

\---------------------------

Sam had noticed the change in Dean over the last couple of weeks. He seemed to be accepting that Cas was gone and it saddened him. Sam had left home to go to college, he'd left the life for four years. He'd lived a 'normal' life, he'd made friends, he'd found love. Sam had been a baby when their mother was killed by a yellow eyed demon and he had no memory of her. But, he clearly remembered when the same demon killed his Jessica, the love of his life. It was the first time Sam had understood why their father had done the things that he'd done. Sam never returned to finish law school, he became what he was destined to be...a hunter. Dean had been right when he said that hunters know two types of people, family and other hunters. Sam had tried to leave the life more than once, but he always came back. He was a Winchester, and Winchesters hunted. Dean had always lived with being John Winchester's boy hanging over his head, until he was able to prove that he was a force to be reckoned with in his own right, and made a name for himself. The Winchesters were known, well known. Sam and Dean were the best, but Sam wanted his brother to be something more than the best hunter out there. Dean felt things, and he felt them deeply, but he always turned it into rage. He never felt like he deserved more than the life that they had lived. Sam may not have understood the relationship between his brother and Cas, but he always knew that it was important to Dean. It was hard to sit back and watch Dean let go. 

Sam watched Dean pick at his breakfast distractedly. Granted, Bobby wasn't a great cook, but they'd eaten a lot worse at a lot of greasy diners. "You okay, Dean?" he finally asked. He'd left Dean alone, for the most part.

"I'm fine, Sammy." Dean responded, not looking up from his plate. He didn't even notice that the eggs had become cold and rubbery and his coffee was lukewarm. A part of him desperately wanted to talk to Sam, to tell him about Cas, but he knew that he couldn't. Cas had asked him not to. He knew his options for the day were limited to trying to find a movie to watch while Sam and Bobby worked on translation, work on either his car or one of the many Bobby had planned to fix up but never gotten to, or find a hunt. He wouldn't be able to focus on a movie, he had too much going on in his head. He didn't know that he was in a place to hunt right now, he didn't trust himself. Dean Winchester knew two things, hunting and cars. He finally lifted his head and looked at the older man sitting across from him. "Hey Bobby, I know that you and my brother here are neck deep in some type of nerdy shit, I also know that both of your tow trucks are down. Which one do you want me to start on? You can't run a salvage yard without a working tow truck."

"I guess that depends on what kind of mood you are in. The carburetor is shot in one of them, and the other one has a starter and alternator problem. Pick your poison." 

"A carburetor? Really? I could rebuild that shit in my sleep. Which one has the starter problem?"

"Number two. I have it out in the back lot. You'll have to drag tools out there."

Dean grinned at Bobby, "Then you'd better fill my beer cooler before I get started." The back lot was appealing. He loved Sam and Bobby, and although the questioning looks weren't as suffocating as they had been, they were still there. He was surprised that Sam hadn't figured out that something was going on. Sam dragged the cooler and Dean dragged to tools out to the broken down tow truck. Sam pulled two cold ones out and handed one to Dean.

"Seriously, Dean, are you okay?"

"Sammy, I'm not going to start writing bad cryptic poetry and dress in all black. He made his choice, and I need to accept that. Maybe he thought that he was doing the right thing, I don't know. But, life goes on. We'll work through some shit here, help Bobby out, and when we're ready we can get back to work." Dean had lied to Sam enough that he knew his brother was buying his story. 

"Okay, well if you need any help out here...."

"Sam," Dean chuckled, "you don't know shit about cars. The only help I'll need is keeping this cooler full. Now go do your nerdy shit." Sam smiled at him as he turned and walked away. Dean breathed a sigh of relief, Sam hadn't caught on to his confusion. If he couldn't tell Sam that he'd talked to Cas, he certainly couldn't talk to Sam about the amount of self control it took not to start undoing buttons on Cas's shirt last night. It wasn't a gender issue, that didn't matter to him. He'd just never given much thought to the fact that although Cas was an angel, he did reside in a human body, a body that he'd reacted to in a way that he never expected. He'd wanted to sleep with Cas last night, it took everything that he had to pull away. He didn't know if he would be able to next time, and considering the way he had felt last night, there would be a next time. He could only hold out for so long. He just didn't know how you fuck someone that you care about, someone who means almost everything to you. He just hoped that the physical and mindless work of replacing an alternator and starter mixed with his plans to rub one out in the shower later might diffuse the situation before Cas came back.

\-------------------------

"Dean...do you want me here? Should I leave?" the gravely whisper came from the corner of the room.

Dean turned and propped himself up on his elbow, "Listen Cas, don't worry about last night. If anyone is to blame, it's me. Fortunately there is no reason to place blame, okay? Right now I am just as worried about hurting you as you are about hurting me, just for different reasons. I wanted to sleep with you, Cas. You have no idea how hard it was to pull away, but I can't do that to you. I need to know that you can still be here with me. I need to know that you aren't afraid of me. If you want to stay, then stay. It's up to you."

"You know that I can't leave, Dean."

"Yes you can. You tell yourself that, you tell me that, but we've talked about free will. You don't have to be here, Cas. I want you here, but it's your decision. I'm not gonna lie, last night was a game changer, but that doesn't mean that it's a bad thing. It means that Dean Winchester needs to learn how to reign in the hormones before he ruins his relationship with somebody that he cares about."

Cas moved across the room and sat in his usual place on the floor. As Dean wrapped his arm around Cas's shoulder he found himself burying his face in his neck, doing everything he could not to press his lips against the soft skin. God, he wanted Cas, and he was used to getting what he wanted. But, he was also used to sneaking out of houses and apartments before dawn to avoid any awkward morning interaction. For the most part, he never even bothered to listen when the cocktail waitress, lonely housewife, or party girl looking to bed the hot guy at the bar gave him their name, he didn't care. He wanted to get off, and that was it. He kept condoms in his car, his wallet, and his duffel bag. He was an asshole, and he knew it. He fucked without attachment. But Cas? Cas smelled so good, his skin felt so soft under Dean's fingertips and lips, they understood each other. Dean didn't know what to do with that. Their relationship had already changed, but would it fall apart if they went through with it? He knew that Cas was willing, almost needy. "Take off your coats and tie and lay with me." he whispered without thinking. He was already growing hard when he felt Cas's body curl against his. He had his fingers on Cas's shirt buttons when he felt him gently grind back against his hard cock. Cas didn't understand sex, and that's what scared Dean. He stopped after he got two buttons undone and slid his hand inside of Cas's shirt. He'd never really looked at Cas, he had no idea what his body was like underneath the cheap suit and trenchcoat that he always wore. It was all soft skin and taut muscles under his hands, a rhythmic grinding against him. He knew that Cas was hard, but he didn't reach down to check, they were already crossing a line that Dean knew they shouldn't. He reached down to still Cas's hips and pulled his body back. "Cas...I can't..."

"I know, Dean. I understand. But can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, sure." Dean panted. His need was almost painful.

"Are you going to pleasure yourself?"

"Um...not the question I expected..."

"I'm sorry..."

"Cas, stop telling me that you are sorry. Everyone is entitled to ask an awkward but strangely hot question once in awhile." Dean knew that Cas was still waiting for him to answer while they sat silently in the dark. "Okay, to be honest, it looks like I'm going to have to take care of business. Here's my awkward but strangely hot question, do you want to watch?"

"I never thought that you would be comfortable with something like that."

"Yeah, me neither. Go grab some paper towels, this can get messy."

Dean reached up and turned the lamp on before he slid his pants and boxers to his knees, exposing his hard cock. Cas stopped in the kitchen doorway and just stared as Dean closed his eyes and wrapped his hand around himself, slowly stroking up and down. "Cas..." Dean moaned, "this isn't going to take long." Cas was fascinated. He moved to the couch and instinctively set the paper towels on Dean's stomach. He watched every movement of Dean's hand, every stroke, feeling himself starting to throb. Dean let out a guttural moan as the sticky fluid shot out of his cock, all over his hand. Cas watched him continue to rub himself gently until he was spent but still breathing heavy. "You've never done that before, have you?" Dean asked quietly.

"Uh...no. I've always just waited for it to go away."

"Are you hard?" Dean reached down and rubbed his hand against Cas through his pants. "That answers that question. Come here, lay down next to me." Now that Dean had been satiated, he wanted the same for Cas. Cas crawled onto the couch and laid on his back with Dean curled up against his side. He felt Dean slide open the button and pull down the zipper. He helped him push his pants and boxers down. "Now try to lay still and just enjoy the ride." Dean whispered as he gently gripped the base of Cas's cock. He started to slowly slide his hand up and down, trailing his fingertips along the shaft, knowing by the sound of Cas's moans that it was going to be quick. He squeezed his hand and started to stroke faster until he finally felt the throbbing and heard his name called as a strangled whisper. He kept slowly rubbing after Cas had come all over his hand, making sure he was completely satisfied. He cleaned them both up and rolled over Cas's shaking body to climb off of the couch so that he could throw the sticky ball of paper towel away. He shoved it deep into the garbage, hoping that Sam or Bobby wouldn't find it. He crawled back on to the couch and helped Cas pull his pants and boxers back up. "You okay?" he whispered. He didn't know if he'd gone to far. Cas just nodded and turned his head, his blue eyes locked with Dean's beautiful green eyes. He leaned forward for a gentle kiss and let Dean roll him on his side, turning off the lamp before wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close. He felt Dean's breath on the back of his neck and visibly shivered. "The game has changed, but we can't overthink this." Dean whispered in his ear before he drifted off and started snoring softly. Cas laid there, enveloped in Dean's arms until he saw that the sun was coming up. He never stayed this long. He worked his body away from Dean's and bent down his kiss him softly on the forehead before he disappeared.

\-------------------------

During the day, Dean worked on Bobby's truck and avoided Sam's eyes. At night he reveled in Cas's hands and mouth, teaching him about pleasure. Cas was eager and Dean was needy. They knew each other in a way that made sex feel right, it felt natural that this is where they'd ended up. 

Dean heard the soft fluttering and felt Cas's mouth on his before he could say anything. He reached out and pushed the trenchcoat off of Cas's shoulders, moving his hands to work the buttons on his shirt while Cas pulled his tie off. Dean's breath caught when he felt Cas reach down to push his boxers off and move to hold Dean's body against the couch with his own. Their cocks were already growing hard, trapped between them. Cas bent his head to kiss Dean deeply, their tongues sliding together desperately. Dean moaned when Cas pulled back, gently biting his bottom lip before moving his mouth along his jaw and across his neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin. They started rocking their hips in a slow rhythm, the heat and friction moving in waves between them. Dean lost himself in the feeling of Cas's hands, his mouth moving down his body. Soft bites and kisses along his chest, a tongue swirling across a nipple causing his body to arch slightly, wanting more. The hands gripping his sides only served to remind him of the first night Cas had come to him, warmth radiated up his chest. He let out a deep moan when he finally felt Cas wrap his hand around the base of his hard cock, kissing and biting the oversensitive skin around his hips and thighs. He wanted to feel himself inside of Cas's mouth, but he knew that tonight was on Cas's terms. He started to rock himself against Cas's hand, he'd never had a lover who made him feel the way that Cas did. He finally felt the warm tongue slide up his shaft and across the head, teasing him. The hand slowly stroking and tongue swirling was almost enough to put him over the edge. When he felt Cas take him into his mouth he let out a loud groan, it was probably too loud but he couldn't stop himself. Cas knew every inch of his body, he knew how to please Dean in ways nobody ever had. He reached down and tangled his shaking hands in Cas's dark messy hair, encouraging him to take his cock deeper. Each stroke of his hand, each slide of his tongue and lips brought an intensity that Dean never knew was possible. He was going to come, they both knew it. Cas used his free hand to gently massage his balls as he let Dean push his head down before the hot sticky fluid slid down the back of his throat. He kept his lips wrapped around Dean, still gently swirling his tongue until he went limp. He slid his hands up Dean's chest and stopped to place them both where he could feel his strong heartbeat and hear his deep and ragged breaths. That was enough to please him, but he knew that Dean would make sure that he was taken care of, and Dean would know what he wanted. He sat up when he heard the click and saw the soft glow of the lamp. He let his eyes move along Dean's body before he finally looked up and locked his gaze with the most beautiful green eyes he'd ever seen. Dean was perfect and right now, Dean belonged to him. He slid up until he was straddling Dean waiting for Dean to wrap his hand around Cas. Cas loved to watch their hands working together, stroking him until he came on Dean's stomach. He tried to hold back, let it last as long as he could but before he knew it, he was moaning Dean's name, watching his come spurt all over Dean's hand and body. He tilted his head back and shuddered as Dean's hand stayed wrapped around him. He was still too shaken to move. He felt Dean clean his stomach and pull him down to rest his head on his chest. Dean always whispered sweet words meant only for Cas and kissed the top of his head. Neither one of them wanted to move, wanted the night to end. With a groan, Cas finally rolled off of the couch and handed Dean's clothes to him while he found his own and they got dressed. Dean only stripped down to boxers when he knew that Cas was coming to him. He'd always slept fully dressed. Cas sat on the floor against the couch and waited for Dean to turn the light off. The hand that pressed against his chest made him want to cry most nights. He tilted his head back for one more kiss before Dean got settled and drifted off, clutching his angel. When Cas knew that Dean was asleep he picked up the paper towel to dispose of outside, Dean didn't want Sam or Bobby finding them. He looked at the outline of Dean's body, knowing that he would do anything to protect him. He was still in danger, but they didn't talk about it anymore. Cas knew how ugly things could get, but he wouldn't let anything happen to Dean. He didn't always understand how he felt, he just knew that they belonged to one another and he would never tell Dean goodbye again. He bent down to kiss Dean's forehead before he disappeared.

\---------------------------

"Now that I have both of your trucks going, I'm starting to feel like a freeloader." Dean said at breakfast the next morning. Both Sam and Bobby looked at him in surprise. Nobody had mentioned hunting since they'd gotten there, and that had been over a month ago. They all knew that Bobby would let them stay as long as they wanted. Dean lived for his nights with Cas, but he was starting to feel the restlessness set in during the day. He knew that if he went much longer with nothing to do he would feel like a caged animal, and Dean Winchester could be dangerous when that happened. "Have you seen anything going on out there or have you just been geeking out?"

"Um...mostly translations and research." Sam stuttered. He wasn't convinced that it was a good idea for Dean to hunt right now. He couldn't read Dean, he didn't know where he was at in his head. He still hadn't talked about Cas, he seemed to just be dealing with it quietly and sober. Maybe a small hunt would be good for him. "I can look some things up, see if anything is going on."

Bobby just looked at his boys and shook his head. Dean was hard headed enough that Sam would find him a case. They'd been throwing the easy cases to other hunters, but Dean was still in no position to take on anything big. 

"Okay, well if you two don't mind I think I'm going to go turn on a movie and fall asleep." Bobby's old console TV still had rabbit ears, Sam had finally bought him a DVD player, but that was mostly to appease Dean. If Dean had movies to watch on the TV he didn't go after Sam's computer to watch them, or even worse, to look up porn. Dean was already stretched out on the couch with his eyes closed when Sam and Bobby walked past him to get back to work. Sam knew that Dean hadn't been getting a lot of sleep, but he also knew that he wasn't drinking, he was probably dealing with this Cas situation at night when nobody was there to see him. Dean rarely let anyone see his emotions, he rarely broke. 

\------------------------

That night, Dean was gentle when he helped Cas strip down to his boxers and crawl on to the couch with him. He laid on his side and wrapped his arms around Cas, pulling him back against him. He rested his cheek against the top of his head. "I asked Sam to find us a case. I need to get back out there." He felt Cas freeze in his arms. "Cas, don't do this. You know who I am, you know what I am. I can't stay here forever. We'll still see each other, that won't change." He kissed Cas on the top of his head, "I need you, Cas."

Cas tried to hold back his tears. He'd done everything he could to protect Dean. He was just starting to feel like they were safe, but going back out to hunt would change everything. He knew that Dean would do whatever it took to still see him, still be with him, that's not what worried him. "But Dean...I..."

Dean rolled Cas towards him, their faces just inches apart. He placed his hand on the side of Cas's face, running his thumb along his cheekbone. He'd expected tears, he knew that eventually he would feel them. "What we have, it's real, Cas." he whispered. "Living at Bobby's isn't. I love Bobby. He hands me broken cars when I need to lose myself. I see what Bobby does for Sam, and I could never thank him enough for it, but I'm a hunter. I still need to see you every night. I don't think I could fall asleep if you weren't here and I'll find a way to work around Sam. I have to do this." Cas just nodded and buried his face in Dean's neck, still holding back the tears. 

"I can't stop you, Dean. But will you do something for me?" He asked, his voice muffled.

Dean put his hands on Cas's face and pulled him away from his neck. "Anything," he whispered as he leaned in to kiss him gently.

"I know that you're afraid to...make love to me. I know that you don't want to hurt me. But I need you to."

Dean leaned his head back, wishing he could see Cas's eyes. "Cas, I will hurt you, and there is no guarantee that you'll enjoy it. Neither one of us has ever done it."

"Please, Dean. I just need to feel as close to you as I can. I trust you."

Dean was more afraid and nervous than he'd been when he lost his virginity as a teenager. He had one chance to get this right, but he couldn't refuse Cas, not when it seemed to mean so much to him. "Are you sure?" He felt Cas nod and got up to rummage through his duffel bag. He kept lube in the same inside pocket as the box of condoms. He set the bottle on the coffee table within reach and took his boxers off. He reached out to strip Cas and knelt between his legs. It was when Cas pulled him down into a kiss that he finally felt the tears. "I don't want to hurt you." Cas just kissed him more deeply and ran his hands up Dean's back and across his shoulders. Dean bent his head and nuzzled Cas's neck, kissing and nipping, bringing blood to the surface with his full lips. He was marking his angel. They lost themselves in a haze of hands and lips, hips rocking and sweet words whispered. Dean tried to kiss away Cas's tears, but they didn't stop. He knew that he was going to hurt Cas, and he was scared. He took a deep breath and grabbed the bottle of lube, coating his fingers. He spread Cas's legs and tilted his hips up, running a slicked up finger around the virgin hole. He pressed and felt Cas gasp beneath him. He leaned in for a deep kiss while he slipped the finger inside, Cas winced, but was able to relax when Dean started to slide his finger in and out. When he felt the second finger he gripped Dean's arms and tensed. Dean was trying to find the spot, he was trying to make it enjoyable for Cas. He moved his fingers around until Cas finally moaned and tilted his head back. He felt Cas start to grow hard against his stomach. He pulled out his fingers and dripped lube on his cock. He was hard and he was big. Pushing Cas's legs further apart he pressed the head against him and slid himself inside in one movement. Cas was so tight around him that it almost hurt. He wanted to cry when he heard the whimpers and felt the fingers digging into his flesh. "Do you want me to stop?" he asked. He didn't know if he could go through with this. "No, Dean. Just give me a minute." Dean kissed Cas softly, and then with more passion. Cas responded by pulling their bodies closer and tilting his hips, waiting for Dean to start moving inside of him. Dean started slowly sliding himself back and forth, he knew that Cas wasn't enjoying this. He shifted his body and tried again. Cas moaned when he felt Dean's cock graze his sweet spot. "Right there..." he whispered. Dean sped up his rhythm, and reached down to wrap his hand around Cas. He was stroking and pumping, trying to stop himself from coming too soon. Through a fog he heard his name and felt the warm sticky come drip down his hand. He finally relaxed and let himself go. The orgasm was so powerful that he felt dizzy, pleasure radiating through every part of his body. He felt Cas's arms around him and he let himself be pulled down, their sweaty bodies against one another. Dean buried his face against Cas's neck and tried not to cry. He'd never felt anything like that. "Are you okay?" he whispered. "That was...yeah...I'm okay" Cas stammered. Dean could have laid like that forever, but he knew that they had to get up before they left a mess on Bobby's couch. He finally set the ball of paper towel on the coffee table and put the lube back in his bag before he laid back down and pulled Cas to him. He couldn't get their bodies close enough, he wanted to feel every inch. "I'm sorry if I hurt you." Cas wrapped his hands around Dean's arms and held them against his chest, "Dean, it's what I wanted. It was better than I imagined it would be." It had gotten harder and harder for them to let go of one another, and this was no exception. Cas finally crawled out of Dean's arms and found both of their clothes. Cas sat in his spot on the floor against the couch, knowing that if he'd let Dean wrap his arms around him again Sam and Bobby would find him there. It was hard enough to leave when he felt Dean's hand against his chest.

"Cas?" Dean mumbled and he lazily ran his fingers across Cas's chest.

"Hhmmm?"

"I need you."

"I know." Cas whispered, trying to keep the tears out of his voice. Dean fell asleep quickly and Cas was able to disappear. He stood outside just looking at the house. He didn't know what was going to happen.

\-------------------------

"I've got a vengeful spirit or a djinn. Take your pick." 

"Seriously Sam? That's all you could come up with?" Dean was actually a little relieved. He knew that he still didn't have the focus he needed for anything big. "Vengeful spirit. It's been awhile."

"The vengeful spirit is only a few hours from here. If we get going after lunch we could be there by tonight, find the best sleazy motel in town, and start working the case in the morning."

Dean groaned inwardly. He wanted to see Cas tonight, he needed to see Cas tonight, but instead he was going to be stuck in a cheap motel room with his brother. "Sound good," he lied. "I'll go make sure that the trunk is packed and ready to go. Shit! I left the cooler out in the back lot." he left the house before Sam could say anything. He got to the empty back lot and asked Cas to come to him.

"Dean, I can't be here. Not during the day."

"I know Cas, but we're leaving today. I'll be sharing a room with Sam tonight, but I won't be able to sleep without you. If I call, will you come to me?"

"You know I will" Cas whispered, reaching out for Dean. He placed his hand against the side of Dean's face and leaned in to kiss him. "I need to leave." He disappeared before Dean could say anything. Cas was scared and Dean didn't know what to do. He grabbed the cooler and headed back to the house. 

They got the car packed up and after Dean pulled Sam aside and said, "I love Bobby, but we are stopping for burgers for lunch. I don't think I can take any more of his home cooked meals." they pulled out of Singer Salvage and headed towards a vengeful spirit. 

\-------------------------

Dean left Sam in the car when he walked into the motel office to check in. Two rooms. He knew that his brother wouldn't question his need for a 'late night drive', and he knew that Cas wouldn't come to him while Sam was there. He shoved the second key deep in his pocket and went to help Sam unload the car. He leaned against the headboard with his eyes closed, thinking about Cas, barely listening to the sound of Sam's voice. They had worked hundreds of vengeful spirit cases, and he knew by the tone when Sam expected a response from him. He didn't care about the backstory, salt, iron, a shovel, gasoline, and a lighter...he knew the routine. After dinner at a greasy diner, a hot shower, and painfully long movie that Sam found on the shitty motel cable, he saw that Sam was tired. He stood up and grabbed his keys off of the table, "I'm going to go for a drive. You know, a little head clearing before we get back to work." Sam was used to Dean's insomnia and need to be alone. He didn't say a word as he watched his brother leave. He turned the TV off and pulled the blankets up when he heard the car start. As long as Dean was back by morning and ready for the hunt, he didn't really care what he did.

\-------------------------

Dean knew that he had to make a show of leaving in the car. He'd asked for two rooms at the opposite ends of the motel. His keys and wallet had barely hit the table when he heard the fluttering behind him. "I figured you'd been watching me, which should be creepy, but it isn't." he said, before turning around. He hadn't had the chance to flip the light switch so all he could see was the outline of Cas's body in the dark. He stepped forward and pressed Cas against the door, holding him in a deep kiss. Cas's body was tense against his, his arms still hanging limply at his sides. Cas turned away from the kiss, "Dean..." Dean reached up and put his hands on either side of Cas's face, "I don't want to hear my name unless you are moaning or screaming." He leaned in again, pushing Cas's coat off of his shoulders and struggling with his tie. His hands were aching to feel Cas's skin. Cas gave in and melted against him, trying to pull Dean's shirt over his head and reached up to undo the buttons on his own. Dean slid his palm against Cas through his pants before he got them open and let them drop to the floor, the boxers were next. They moved towards the bed, Cas sliding his hand between them to rub Dean's hard cock through the fabric of his jeans. He slid his hand up and trailed his fingers along the waist band. "You don't play fair." Dean moaned against his mouth. Cas's fingers were quick, working the button and zipper before pulling Dean's pants and boxers until they lay at his feet. He pushed Dean back on the bed, trailing his mouth along his stomach and up his chest. "Did you bring lube?" he whispered. "Uh...yeah. I didn't know if you...I mean...it's in my pants pocket." Cas reached over and turned on the lamp, "get it." Dean had never seen Cas this demanding before, and it was hot. He was ready to surrender, give in to whatever Cas wanted. He grabbed the bottle of lube and watched Cas straddle him, holding his body between his thighs. "Sit up" Cas whispered, helping Dean slide back until his shoulders rested against the headboard. When he felt Cas drip lube on his fingers and guide his hand between their bodies, he knew. "You want to..." he stuttered. "I want to ride your cock." Dean was throbbing when he pressed a finger inside of Cas, he didn't take his time to be gentle. He saw Cas cringe when he felt the second one, but he knew that this is what Cas wanted, and he'd never wanted anything more. He finally got Cas to moan and press down against his fingers. He moved them around until he knew that Cas was ready for him. He dripped lube on his cock and just watched Cas get up on his knees and slowly drop, taking him all of the way in. He reached out and grabbed his hips, holding him still until he felt Cas relax. "I'm okay," Cas whispered as he started to slide up and down. Dean just stared at the angel's thin but muscular body, he watched him move against his slick cock. He could feel the exact moment when Cas found his sweet spot. "Dean..." he moaned. "Yeah, just like that." Dean whispered as he slid his hand from Cas's hip to wrap it around him and start stroking. Cas came quickly, all over Dean's stomach. "Just a few more, baby. That's all I need." Dean whispered as he felt himself build. He reached and grabbed Cas's shoulders from behind, pulling him down to bury himself deep when he came. Cas watched Dean's face, his eyes shut, his mouth open calling his name and gasping for air. Cas stayed where he was, still gently moving until Dean went limp. He reached for the tissues on the nightstand and cleaned Dean's stomach before he rolled over on to his back.

"Where in the hell did you learn that?" Dean asked, still struggling for air.

"Here, in this room."

"I'd never even considered asking you to...I mean...holy shit. I've had a lot of sex in my life...but that was...damn..."

Cas smiled, Dean couldn't even form coherent sentences. He'd wanted to please Dean in a way that he would always remember, he'd wanted to watch Dean's face when he came. He rolled over and rested his head on Dean's chest, listening as his heartbeat slowed to a regular pace. Dean's hands were all over his back, his sides, squeezing his ass. He rolled on to his back, pulling Dean against him. "I don't think I can manage a round two." Dean whispered. "I know, neither can I. I just don't want to leave yet." They kissed and touched gently, rolling around the bed until Dean noticed the time. "I have to go. I'm supposed to be up in a couple of hours." He gave Cas one last deep kiss before he got out of bed and put his clothes on. "I paid for two nights," he said as he picked up the room key. "I'll be here after my hunt." He kissed Cas on top of the head and walked out, but he walked out smiling.

\-------------------------

"Do we really have to do the FBI suits for this one?" Dean asked, tugging at the collar of his shirt. He hated the FBI suits.

"If you expect the police to tell us anything, then yes."

"We can't pretend to be reporters or health inspectors or dog catchers?"

Sam just sighed. Sometimes working with Dean took a lot of patience. "You've worn the suit hundreds of times. They aren't going to let a dog catcher into the medical examiners office. Now let's go."

Dean let Sam doing most of the talking, he just threw in a charming grin when it was necessary. Women loved Dean and he could be pretty convincing when he needed to be. This was a cut and dry case. A woman had been murdered in her house by her husband. They got the cemetery plot number and went back to the room to change into their regular clothes before they left to get something to eat. They needed to wait until after it was dark to dig into the grave so that they could salt and burn the bones, putting the spirit to rest.

"You okay, Dean?" Sam asked over dinner.

"I'm fine, Sammy. Why?"

"Just...you know..."

"Oh, that. Yeah, I'm okay. I mean it sucks that it happened but life goes on." He really wanted to just tell Sam the truth, but he couldn't. Not until Cas was ready.

"Yeah...but it was kind of a big deal."

"Life goes on, Sammy." He knew that would make Sam back off. Dean didn't have touchy feely conversations. Not very often. 

They had just gotten back to the motel when Dean decided he needed to make a beer run. Sam didn't think much of it, at least it wasn't liquor. He hadn't seen Dean drink anything harder than beer since that night at the warehouse. 

Again, Dean started the car and drove to the other end of the motel.

\-------------------------

Cas knew that he shouldn't be sitting there waiting for Dean, but he didn't know how to stay away. It had nothing to do with free will, it had everything to do with how he felt when they were together. He was getting careless.

\-------------------------

Dean smiled when he opened the door and saw Cas waiting. "Successful hunt, sexy angel, what more could a man want?" Cas had already taken off his coat and tie and moved into Dean's arms without hesitation. Dean turned off the light and they slowly undressed each other in the dark. Last night had been frenzied and desperate, Dean was tired and in a good mood because of the hunt, it was time to be lazy. Dean settled himself between Cas's legs on the bed, kissing his forehead, his cheeks, his lips. He shuddered when he felt Cas's hands run across his shoulders and down his back, stopping to press their bodies together. They had started to grow hard, but they weren't there yet, they wanted to take their time. Cas slowly rocked his hips against Dean feeling full lips across his collarbone and shoulder. They intertwined their fingers and held their hands against the pillow above Cas's head. Dean worked his way across Cas's neck and jaw until they finally shared a deep kiss, their tongues sliding together, their cocks growing harder. Cas pulled his hands away and ran them down Dean's sides and across his back, trying to get their bodies as close as he could. Dean held Cas's face in his hands and they shared long lingering kisses while the rocking of their hips intensified. They started out slow, but the laziness turned into desperate grinding and heavy breathing. They exploded at the same time, moaning and gasping. Cas always hated that moment when Dean rolled off of him. He turned to grab tissues when Dean stopped him. "Shower..." He grabbed Cas's hand and led him into the bathroom. "These motel showers suck, but if we're lucky we might get 15 minutes of hot water." He turned the water on and stepped in, waiting for Cas. The shower was small and they had to stand close together while they used the cheap bar of soap that had been left on top of the rough towels. Their slick soapy hands were lazy and their kisses were gentle. Cas had always known somehow that Dean had this gentle side to him, he just never saw it until they became intimate. This was his Dean. Just like Dean said, they got about 15 minutes until the water turned ice cold. They shivered and laughed while they dried each other off and wrapped towels around their waists. Dean pulled Cas down onto the bed and wrapped his arms around him. 

"I want to tell Sam about us."

"Dean, I don't know if that's a..."

"Cas," Dean said quietly, lifting himself up on one elbow. "I need you, you know that. I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you. I can't keep pretending that I am lost without you when really I'm happiest when I'm with you."

Cas didn't know if there would be repercussions if Dean told Sam, but he knew that it was something Dean needed to do. "You're right, Dean. He should know." Dean laid back down and pulled Cas back into his arms. He didn't know that he'd ever been happier. At least Sam would know why his beer run had lasted for hours. 

Dean finally sat up and turned on the lamp, looking around the room for his clothes. If Sam was still awake, he was going to get the 'look' so he might as well tell him tonight. He'd probably be pissed at first, but they lied to each other all of the time, that's what brothers do. He got dressed and turned to look at Cas still laying on the bed, barely covered by the towel. "Do you want to come with? Stay here? Take off? It's up to you."

"I'll stay here for now. I don't think that Sam will be upset, but you need to tell him alone."

"Okay," Dean walked to the bed and bent down for a kiss. "I'll either be back or I'll call for you."

Cas just smiled lazily and watched him go. 

\-------------------------

"Hey Sammy?" Dean called as he unlocked the door and walked in. The room was a mess, it had been torn apart. Lamps were broken, tables knocked over, the mirror shattered. Dean froze. He dug his phone out of his pocket and called Sam's number. "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon man..." he whispered until he heard the buzzing sound. Sam's phone was sitting on top of the dresser, his wallet next to it. Dean ran to the bathroom, tearing the shower curtain just hoping that his brother was in there. He wasn't. Sam was gone. He ran outside and walked around the parking lot looking for any sign, he didn't know what to do. Standing outside wasn't going to help, he needed to call Bobby. He turned to go back to the room and saw Cas. 

"Cas...Sam's gone. I don't know what in the hell happened. The room is all fucked up." Cas quietly followed Dean into the motel room, his heart had dropped into his stomach. This was his fault, he'd made a mistake.

Dean sat on the edge of the bed, still in shock. He started to call Bobby when Cas reached out and took his phone. "Bobby can't help. This is my fault, Dean."

"What?" Dean asked in disbelief. He watched Cas bend down and pick up a feather. "Wait, angels have him? What in the hell would angels want with Sam?" Dean felt a little calmer. Angels were assholes, but they didn't usually kidnap and kill. He just needed to know what in the fuck was going on and how he was going to find Sam.

"They don't want Sam. They want you. They know you'll come after him. This is my fault, I should have warded him too. I didn't think they'd go this far."

"Warded him? Go this far? You need to tell me what is going on, Cas."

"You know how chaotic things got up in Heaven. There was no order. Angels were turning on angels because of power hungry agenda's. Factions were formed. There was fear and threats of violence. Things are starting to change, become more orderly, but not everyone agrees on how things should be handled. A few months ago I found out about a vigilante group. A group that wants retribution for the angels that were killed. They believe that someone should pay for the loss of life, and you are at the top of that list. They've been watching me because they know that you are my weakness, that's why I needed you to believe that I didn't want you in my life. That's why I tried to let you go. The first night I came to Bobby's I warded you. You have enochian symbols etched onto your ribs, they can't find you directly. I have been able to ward myself enough to stay one step ahead of them. I didn't think to ward Sam and they know that he is your weakness. They won't hurt him, it's you that they want."

"So set up a meeting, take me to them, do whatever you need to do to get Sam back."

"You need to get in your car and go somewhere. They will come back here looking for you. I'm surprised they haven't already. They can't find you if you are alone. Don't call for me, just wait and I'll come to you. I'll fix this, Dean."

"Wait, Cas. How will you find me?"

"I raised you from hell, Dean. We have a profound bond. I will always find you."

Dean watched Cas disappear and then grabbed their duffel bags and threw them into the car. Sam would be pissed if Dean left his stuff behind. He got behind the wheel and drove. He just drove with the music loud. Now he knew why Cas was afraid, but he had to trust Cas. He knew that the angels wouldn't kill Sam, not if it was him that they wanted. He'd been in positions like this before, Dean Winchester didn't have a very big fan club. 

He just needed to drive.

\-------------------------

He didn't know where he was, he just knew that he needed to find somewhere to pull over. He could barely keep his eyes open. He finally found a dirt road and turned off of the highway. He drove until he knew his car couldn't be seen and stretched out on the front seat to try and get some sleep. 

Cas had the information they needed, but he didn't want to wake Dean, not yet. He knew that Sam was alive, but he didn't know what lie ahead. There was a chance that this wasn't going to end well, and they needed to be prepared for that. 

Dean finally sat up and saw Cas leaning against the hood of the car. He rubbed his eyes and opened the door, he needed to stretch his legs. "Well?"

"Sam is alive. It's exactly what I thought, they are using him as bait."

"So what do they want? What do I need to do?"

"They want to meet with you, Dean." Cas pulled a slip of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Dean. Dean opened it and started pacing, rubbing his forehead.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me? Is this some type of joke? They want to meet with me at that warehouse? The one that I tracked you to so that you could tell me to fuck off? You guys have a great PR department, convincing people that you do good and love humanity and all of that other bullshit that we're fed."

"Dean, I'm not like them." Cas whispered, tears spilling down his cheeks. 

Dean pulled Cas into his arms, "I know you're not. This isn't your fault, Cas. I've done fucked up shit. I've killed angels. But I've been in this position before. I just want Sam somewhere safe." He pulled away and wiped Cas's tears with his thumbs, "this doesn't change things between us. I'm not letting you go. I need you." Cas leaned against Dean and buried his face in his neck. 

The angels didn't want to meet until the following night. Dean knew that it would only take him a few hours to get there but he had to play by their rules, so he was stuck waiting. He just wanted Sam back. 

\-------------------------

"You can't go into this exhausted, Dean. Just get a room." Cas begged. He could see the weariness in Dean's eyes.

"I'm fine, Cas."

"No, you're not."

Dean stopped pacing and looked at Cas. He was right. "Okay, we'll get a room." They found a cheap motel near the warehouse and checked in. Dean was on edge and wanted a drink, but he knew better. He shut the door behind him and started stripping his clothes off. He saw Cas watching him, "Well?"

"Well what?" Cas asked, confused.

"Are you going to crawl into bed with me or not?"

"Do you think that's a good idea? I mean..."

"Cas, I'm not talking about sex. I probably couldn't even get it up right now. I fall asleep when you are with me. Please?"

Cas stripped down and got into the bed. Dean wrapped his arms around him and place his hand on his chest. They laid in silence, both of their minds racing. Cas was scared, he just hoped that Dean couldn't see it. He felt Dean's lips against his neck and his fingers slide across his chest. "Dean? You're supposed to be sleeping."

"I can't, my mind won't shut off." He rolled Cas towards him and gently kissed him, "I need you to know that no matter what happens tonight, it's always been you, Cas." He ran his hands between their bodies, up and down Cas's stomach. He loved the feel of the taut muscles. "I can't get it up" he whispered, "but I still want to feel you." Cas laid back and let Dean's hands roam, his mouth following. Cas moaned and arched his body towards Dean's touch. He reached for Dean, he needed to feel him. They lost themselves in each other, each memorizing every inch of the other's body. 

\-------------------------

Dean cut the engine and just stared at the building in front of him. He felt Cas's hand squeeze his, as if to remind him that the last time they were here wasn't real. He'd asked Cas to stay behind, but Cas refused. Dean turned his head and pulled Cas towards him for a deep kiss. "Here we go," he whispered when he pulled back. He got out of the car and started walking. There were no tricks, no casing the place, no back up. Just him and the angels. The only way to kill an angel was with an actual angel blade. He didn't ask Cas if he had his, and Cas didn't offer it. He needed to get Cas and Sam out of the warehouse safely, but walking in with Cas's weapon would only complicate things. He'd ask for it if he needed it. 

"Ah, Dean Winchester. I'm actually pleased that our Castiel warded you, it makes your entrance more of a surprise." Dean looked around and only saw three angels, but he knew that there were more. Angels played dirty.

"Where's my brother?"

"He is here, and he is alive. Hello Castiel, I wasn't sure if you would show up for tonight's festivities."

"Okay" Dean demanded, "Cut all of the pleasantry bullshit and let Sam go. You want me, not him." An angel finally brought Sam out from the shadows and dropped him on the floor, Dean was right, there were more. Sam had been worked over, his face bloodied and swollen. He was conscious, but just barely. Dean swallowed hard, this was his fault. He could feel the rage coming. "Was kicking his ass really necessary or did you do it for fun, you sick fucks?"

"We wanted to make an example of him. We wanted to show you how serious we are. We were gentle with him compared to what we plan to do to you."

"So, why me? I'm not the only one that was out there offing angels. I mean I'm honored to be at the top of your list, Dean Winchester, heaven's most wanted."

"Your arrogance, your sarcasm...you really think that you are going to walk out of here tonight, don't you? It took us a long time to get you here, you won't be leaving. I give you credit, Castiel, you almost had him completely warded. The enochian symbols on his ribs, the sigils that you put on Bobby Singer's house, it took us a while to figure out how you were able to get past them. We finally saw you wipe one off upon your entrance, and replace it with your exit. We could have entered while you were there, but we knew facing Sam and Dean Winchester as well as Bobby Singer might not be in our best interest. And considering that you were cavorting with Dean Winchester nightly, that you had entered into a carnal relationship with him, we knew you would betray us for him."

Dean turned around and saw Cas drop his head. "Cas? Are you ashamed..." Cas lifted his head and Dean could see it all in his eyes. Cas was enraged. He stepped forward but Dean put his arm out to stop him. They stood side by side. Dean glanced over at Sam, wishing that he could move, that he could somehow sneak out of here. 

"You were not sent here by any authority." Cas said evenly. "I killed more angels than Dean, many more."

"Yes, you have. You've also been punished for it on multiple occasions. But here's the thing Castiel, you have grown so attached to Mr. Winchester that I think watching him die slowly will be the worst punishment of all."

"You aren't going to kill him." Cas yelled, he couldn't remember ever feeling this angry.

"He's an abomination, Castiel. He never deserved to be raised from hell. We were all told that he was needed, that he had work to do but instead he helped start battles, he killed our brethren. And most recently, he seduced an angel."

"He didn't do any of that alone, I also bear responsibility."

"Cas?" Dean whispered, "What in the hell are you doing?"

"I'm trying to save you, Dean."

The angel, the only one who had spoken, started pacing in front of them. "So you are taking responsibility for his actions?"

"Yes."

"Cas? This is my deal. They want me." He reached out to grab Cas's arm, but Cas pulled away. "Damnit Cas, I need you and Sam safe."

"Lover's quarrel?"

Dean turned back to the angel, his eyes full of unadulterated rage, "Fuck you!"

"Language, Mr. Winchester." 

"Will you leave him alone?" Cas yelled.

"In exchange for you?"

"Don't do this" Dean cried. "Cas..."

"Yes."

Dean turned and grabbed Cas, his hands gripping the lapels of his trenchcoat so tightly that his hands hurt. "Cas, do not do this. We'll figure this out."

"We're outnumbered, Dean. There is no way the three of us can get out alive."

Tears were streaming down Dean's face. "No..."

"Aw, come on Dean" the angel stopped pacing. "If anyone understands sacrifice it would be you. Isn't that the Winchester way? You should feel honored that Castiel is willing to sacrifice himself. This is actually better than killing you. We are taking away what you love most."

"You are one sick son of a bitch. Just take me, send me back to the pit, do whatever you need to do. Let Sam and Cas walk out of here."

"Dean..." Cas cried.

"Why him? Why Cas? He doesn't deserve this." Dean yelled.

"I can't let them hurt you, Dean. I didn't pull you from the pit just to watch you go back." Cas said quietly.

"I'm not worth it, Cas. This isn't worth it. Please...don't. You can't...I need you." Dean could see two angels moving up behind Cas. 

Cas reached out and placed his hand on the side of Dean's face, wiping the tears away with this thumb. He could feel his own tears dripping off of his chin. He leaned in and kissed Dean softly before pressing their foreheads together, "It's always been you too. I'm sorry, Dean."

Dean felt the angels grab Cas, one on each arm. His hands were still wrapped around his trenchcoat and he was pulling Cas to him. "You can't do this you son of a bitch. I need you."

"Dean, you need to let go, grab Sam and get out of here."

"I can't. Cas..."

Cas reached down and wrapped his hands around Dean's wrists, Dean could see the love and fear in Cas's watery eyes. "I need to do this," he whispered, "but I don't want you to see it. Grab Sam and go." and he pulled Dean's hands from his coat. "Go!" he yelled as the angels pulled him back towards the shadows. Dean ran to where Sam was laying and helped him up. They got through the door just as the burst of light and shrieking sound filled the warehouse. Dean only made it a few yards before he dropped to his knees and everything went black.

\-------------------------

Dean woke up in the front seat of the Impala, his head was pounding and his hands hurt so badly that he was barely able to move his fingers. His mind was blank, he didn't know where he was or how he got there. He sat up and saw Sam sprawled out on the back seat, his face bloody and bruised, one eye swollen shut. He turned and looked out the windshield at the warehouse in front of him. Half of the windows had been blown out. That's when it hit him. 

His hand wouldn't open all of the way, but he was still able to make a phone call, "Bobby, some serious shit has happened. I'm fine, Sam's not doing so well. It's over, there's nothing following us but I'm worried about Sam. I can make it up there tonight." He hung up the phone and started the car. He worked on opening and closing his hands against the steering wheel the entire time he was driving. There was no music, nobody in the passenger seat talking to him. It was silent.

\-------------------------

Bobby was waiting outside to help Dean get Sam in the house. They got him settled on the couch and Bobby checked him over while Dean cleaned the blood off of his face. "Other than some ribs and whatever happened to his face, he's fine. He probably has one hell of a concussion. He shouldn't be sleeping but we'll just watch him closely. Now do you want to tell me what in the hell is going on?"

Dean poured himself a glass of scotch, and he poured it heavy. He took a large swallow and looked at Bobby, "No, I don't want to talk about it. I can't, not yet." He downed the rest of the drink, "Would you mind taking the first shift with Sam? I'll be outside, just yell if you need me." Bobby watched the door shut behind him and shook his head. He wasn't worried about Dean, he was downright scared for him. Dean was dangerous right now, Bobby could see it in his eyes.

Dean walked about 20 yards away from the house before he turned around and looked at it in the dark. The whole house was covered in sigils that he couldn't even see, Cas's work. He walked up and down the rows of crushed metal realizing that this is how Sam must have felt when the hell hounds came for him. But he came back. Cas brought him back. Once an angel had been killed with an angel blade, they were just gone. He couldn't fix this. He couldn't trade his soul like he'd done with Sam. Cas was just gone. He wished he were back in the pit, as bad as it was and as much as it hurt, it was nothing compared to how he felt right now. He walked until the sun came up. He knew that he needed to go back and check on Sam. Bobby probably fell asleep while trying to keep an eye on him. He quietly closed the kitchen door behind him and walked into the living room. Sam was still asleep, but breathing evenly, on the couch and Bobby had passed out in a chair. He leaned against the wall and just watched Sam breathe. He tried to clear his head of everything other than the rise and fall of his brother's chest. He started counting the breaths to keep his mind busy. It must have been hours before Sam finally rolled over with a groan and opened his good eye, the other was still swollen shut. Dean wordlessly went and got him an ice pack. His legs had grown tired from walking around all night so instead of leaning against the wall, he slid down until he was sitting on the floor, his head hanging between his knees. He heard Sam's voice but it was nothing more than a soft echo, his mind couldn't register the words. He just sat, trying to find something else to focus on, something else to keep the dark thoughts from creeping in. He wasn't ready for those.

\-------------------------

Sam's face was getting better. The swelling had gone down and he could see out of both eyes. His ribs didn't really bother him. He knew that it would hurt to laugh, but he hadn't laughed. They'd been at Bobby's for over a week, and Dean hadn't said a word, not since the night they had gotten there. Sam remembered everything that happened, but he was in no position to tell Bobby, and Bobby hadn't asked. 

Dean spent most days just walking around outside. Bobby and Sam were tip toeing around him. Bobby still didn't know for sure what had happened, Dean still hadn't said a word, but he was obviously in mourning. It broke his heart, but he knew it was best to just leave Dean alone. He just shook his head when he watched Sam follow Dean outside. He was surprised that Sam had waited this long to try and talk to his brother.

"Do you mind if I tag along?" Sam asked as he tried to catch up with Dean.

"Sure." Dean said quietly without turning around. Sam hadn't heard his brother's voice since the night that Cas died. It was scratchy and rough, he didn't sound the same. Then again, he didn't look the same. He barely ate, Sam hadn't seen him sleep since they got there. He'd offered him the couch, but Dean just shook his head and tried to leave the room before Sam saw the tears. Sam expected him to start drinking, that's what he always expected when things got rough for Dean, but he had one drink every night and that was it. "Sam, I'm sorry" Dean said quietly. So quietly that Sam barely heard him.

"For what?"

"You had to watch the hell hounds come for me and I know you've always blamed yourself. I'm sorry."

"Dean, it's okay."

"Because I came back?" Dean was letting the tears roll down his cheeks, he didn't know how much Sam heard that night but he really didn't care.

"Because I knew that you made that choice for me. You were trying to do right by me."

"But I came back." Dean whispered.

Sam stopped walking and turned to stand in front of Dean, "Listen, Dean, I know that you don't want to talk and I get it. I respect that. You may never want to talk about it. I just need you to know that the most painful thing I have ever been through was watching Jessica die, and feeling like it was my fault. It's a feeling that I can't even describe." Dean lifted his head and looked at his brother, he bit his lower lip in an attempt to stop the tears and just nodded. He reached out to pat him on the shoulder before he walked away. Sam just stood and watched him go.

\-------------------------

The first words Bobby heard from Dean was over breakfast one morning while he was reading the newspaper. "I think we should look for a case. We need to get back in the game." Bobby slowly lowered the paper and Sam just turned to stare at Dean in surprise. This was the last thing either one of them expected to hear. 

"Are you sure?" Sam asked slowly.

"Your face is pretty much healed. If you feel up to it, we might as well."

Sam and Bobby both knew that if Sam didn't agree to go, Dean would go off by himself. Bobby still didn't have the full story, but he'd seen and heard enough to know that this was about Cas. They must have patched things up since the boys had been there the last time, but now Cas was gone. Cas was dead. He'd always wondered about Dean and Cas, and now he knew. What he saw in Dean's eyes was what he felt when he lost his beautiful Karen. 

"Give me a couple of days and I can find you something" Bobby finally said. "It's been pretty quiet, but there's always work."

"Okay," Dean said quietly, getting up from the table. "Just let me know." and he pulled the door shut behind him.

Bobby turned to Sam, "Now I haven't asked what's going on because I figure you're grown men and eventually one of you will tell me if I need to know. Which may be never, and I'm fine with that. But Dean is not okay, Dean is not even in the same neighborhood as okay. He's not in any shape to hunt. He barely eats, his clothes are falling off of his body, and has he even slept since you got here?"

"I don't know, Bobby. If he has, it hasn't been much. We both know that if we don't find something, he'll go off alone."

"Do you feel up to working a case?"

"Do I have a choice?"

\-------------------------

Bobby was able to find them a small vamp nest. Dean was brutal, he was covered in blood and his eyes were empty when the job was done. Next it was a ghoul, then a djinn. Dean wouldn't stop. He barely ate, barely slept, he just wanted to work. When Bobby couldn't find anything for him he'd flip on Sam's computer and start looking around until Sam took it from him and started sorting through news stories. It didn't matter how small the town was, how small the job was, Dean wanted to work. 

Bobby called Sam once a week to check up on Dean. It was the same conversation every time. Dean only talked when it had to do with hunting. He was violent, he was reckless, and he was starting to scare the shit out of Sam.

Dean had gone into the basement alone without telling Sam. That's where the werewolf caught his scent and backed him into a corner. He reached for his gun when he felt the hot breath on his face and waited for the piercing pain on his chest. The sound of gunfire caught him by surprise and he didn't move when he watched the monster drop at his feet. He looked up and saw Sam standing there, his gun still his hand. He glared at his brother, stepped over the dead creature, and walked to the car. They drove back to the motel, not a word was said, but Sam had gotten used to that. It wasn't until they got into the room that Sam finally lost it.

"What in the hell was that, Dean?"

"It was my fucking kill, that's what it was." 

"You sound like dad." Sam knew that would get to Dean. Maybe he shouldn't have said it, but he didn't care.

"Seriously, Sammy?" Dean's eyes were getting dangerously glossy. 

"Yeah. Since when do you care who's 'kill' it is? I thought the end goal was to get the job done. I didn't know we were keeping a tally." 

"I had that one, Sam. I was ready to take it out." 

Sam was furious. He was done babying his brother. "You didn't even have your gun in your hand, Dean. Do you have some kind of death wish? Because you dying isn't going to bring Cas back, and you aren't going to see him in the afterlife. You die, you're gone, it's as simple as that."

"Don't you bring Cas into this, Sam."

"This is all about Cas. You don't talk, you don't eat, you don't sleep, and you obviously don't give a fuck as to whether you die or not. Don't try to tell me that this isn't about Cas. I was there that night, Dean. I heard everything."

"Then you know that it was my fault. I'm fucking toxic, Sam."

Sam saw the pure pain in Dean's eyes. "It's not your fault, and you're not toxic, but you need to wake up and deal with it. I'm sorry, Dean, but he's gone and he isn't coming back. Just like Jess is gone. Just like mom is gone. It sucks, it really sucks but welcome to the club. He knew that you love him, I saw that. I've seen it for years, but that night it was real. Cas knew that he was your everything and the last thing he did before he died was kiss you goodbye. You have that."

Dean sunk into a chair and dropped his head, "I never even told him that I loved him, Sam."

"You told him that you needed him. That was your way, and he knew it."

Sam watched Dean cry, Sam watched Dean finally break. "I really don't want to get too personal, but you need to talk about this. You were sneaking around, you were seeing him, and I'm guessing that you were..."

"Yes, Sam, I was sleeping with him. The second night that we were at Bobby's, after he let me believe that he was making deals, he came to me. He told me that he'd lied and he was trying to protect me, but he never told me what he was protecting me from. Not until I walked into that motel room and found you missing. I was with him when they came for you. I shouldn't have been, I should have been there to protect you."

"Dean, they fucked up my face, that's it."

"He made me believe in myself, Sam." Dean whispered, softly crying. "How do I move on from that? How did you even put one foot in front of the other after Jess..."

"You were there, you saw. I started hunting, I started killing. The same thing you've been doing. I'm not going to lie to you, I still miss Jessica every single day. Some mornings I still expect to wake up to the smell of her shampoo. What gets me through it is that I know that when Jess died, she knew that I loved her. She knew that she was everything to me." Sam felt tears well up, this was opening old wounds but maybe it's a conversation that they needed to have. "The night I lost Jess was the first time I understood why dad did the things that he did. I never forgave him, but I understood."

"I wasn't cut out for this love thing," Dean whispered. "I ask myself every day how I'm going to make it through to the next. I can't sleep because he isn't here to bring me peace. I was able to be somebody different with him. He didn't expect me to be Dean Winchester, I was just Dean. His Dean. It hurts when I think about how much I love him, but it hurts more when I think about how much he loved me. He went into that warehouse knowing that he was going to die."

"No, Dean, he walked into that warehouse knowing that you were worth saving."

Dean held his head in his hands and cried, he replayed every moment that he'd spent with Cas, even before they were lovers. He realized that he'd always loved Cas, he just didn't see it until Cas told him that he didn't want him in his life. "I don't know what to do with this, Sam."

"You do what I do, what Bobby does. You put one foot in front of the other and you tell yourself that he'd want you to live. You will always love him, that's not going to change. But if you try to drink it away? Go hunting with a death wish? Then what he did was pointless. He gave you your life back, twice, and he did it for a reason. Let him have that." Sam watched Dean cry, he watched the rage and anger turn to raw pain. He was still worried about his brother, but he wasn't afraid anymore. Dean wasn't dangerous, Dean was heartbroken. He got up, grabbed two beers out of the cooler, and handed one to Dean. "You don't believe it now, because I didn't, but someday you'll smile when you think about him."

"Thanks, Sammy." Dean whispered. He'd never opened up to his brother like this, he never thought that he could. "I'll never feel like I did when I was with him."

"No, you won't. But Cas was amazing, and we are all better people because he was a part of our lives. You mean everything to me, Dean, and if I could have gone out and handpicked somebody to be your true love, it would have been Cas. I've spent years watching the way that he looked at you, the things he did for you. He always loved you."

"Do you want to hear something stupid?" Dean finally asked.

"Right now, I would love to hear something stupid."

"When he grabbed my wrists so that I would let go of his coat, I pulled his tie off. God, it had taken me months to figure out how to get that damn thing off, but I did and I shoved it in my pocket. I still have it."

Sam actually laughed, and it did make his ribs hurt a little, "That's not stupid, it's amazing. Dean Winchester is sentimental."

Dean gave Sam a small grin, "shut up, bitch."

"Back atcha, jerk." Sam smiled, bringing the beer bottle to his lips. 

"So what do we do now? Are we supposed to share some type of heartfelt brotherly hug or something?"

"I think we are." Sam stood up and walked over to his his brother, "we'll get through this." he said as he grabbed him around the shoulders.

"Thanks Sam."

For the first time in weeks, Dean slept. He didn't sleep well, but he slept, dreaming of Cas the entire time.

\-------------------------

Sam called Bobby the next morning to let him know that things were going to be okay, but he felt like he still needed to throw some small cases their way. Things that they could handle with their eyes closed. He needed to see for himself how Dean was going to handle it. They pulled things off like the pros that they were. For the most part, everything was textbook. They'd spend evenings at greasy diners talking, sometimes laughing, even telling stories about Cas or Jess. Dean never knew much about Jess and he felt guilty for that. He wanted to know everything he could about her. He needed to know that Sam understood him. He'd never felt so close to his brother, he'd never known that Sam would be there as a shoulder to cry on. 

Sam opened up one night and cried about how Dean was the reason he went to college. If Dean hadn't taken the brunt of the shit from their father, he wouldn't have had the opportunity to study like he needed to. He let Dean know that he hated that he'd felt like he'd abandoned him, but he wanted to prove that all of his sacrifices when they were kids meant something to him. Dean in turn told him that he'd always hated feeling like he wasn't as smart as Sam and Bobby, that he was the dumb grease monkey who fixed things and hunted. It took Sam explaining that he and Bobby could do translation and research, but there wasn't a chance in hell that he could rebuild a carburetor. That's when they figured out that Bobby must be a fucking genius since he could do both. They talked about Bobby, they talked about friends that they'd lost, they even talked about their father. They became the brothers they always should have been. The jerk and bitch that were fearless and out to save the world.

Dean missed Cas every moment of every day. Laying in bed, taking a shower. He'd still hang his arm over the edge of the bed hoping to find Cas there, desperately wanting to place his hand against Cas's heart. But Sam was right, he got his goodbye. He never doubted that Cas knew how he felt. Dean couldn't say 'I love you', he never had, but Cas knew that he needed him and in Dean's eyes, that meant more. 

\-------------------------

Bobby called Sam one night and said he needed some help up his way. It wasn't an emergency, but he needed the boys to get there. Sometimes Bobby needed Dean to help him out in the salvage yard, sometimes he needed Sam's expertise with a computer (Bobby didn't own a computer, he didn't always trust them). There wasn't an active case so they packed up the car and headed north, actually looking forward to a little R&R. Their time on the road had meant a lot to them both, things had changed between them. 

Bobby was sitting on the porch steps with a glass of scotch in his hand when they pulled in. "Sam, I need to show you something. I'm a little stuck and I could use your help." Sam followed Bobby into the house, turning to smile at Dean. Dean just nodded and pulled their bags out of the car. He knew that Bobby and Sam would be knee deep in nerdy stuff within a matter of minutes, so he took the time to check their weapon stock in the trunk. They'd been so busy that they needed to replace a lot of things, which meant he'd be filling shotgun shells with rock salt for days. He finally wandered into the house and grabbed a beer before he walked into the living room fully intent on interrupting their geek-out with a movie. They weren't in there. Bobby had books opened all over his desk, and Sam's computer was sitting closed on the coffee table. He could hear mumbled whispers from upstairs. He didn't want to intrude, but curiousity got the best of him. He walked quietly up the stairs, avoiding all of the placed that squeaked and creaked. He saw them both standing in a doorway whispering and snuck up behind them. He didn't even feel the beer bottle slip out of his hand and shatter on the wood flooring. Cas was at Bobby's house wrapped in bandages. Sam turned at the sound of the bottle hitting the floor and saw Dean fall to his knees. If this was anything like what happened at the warehouse, he was going to have to find a way to pick Dean up and move him. Between his messed up face and broken ribs it had taken him at least thirty minutes to get Dean's limp body into the Impala before he was able to crawl into the back and give in to the exhaustion. Tonight, he was healthy and so was Bobby. They carried him to another room and shut the door softly. "I didn't know what to do, Sam. He just showed up, covered in scratches and road rash with a big open cut on his neck. I've been working on getting the infection under control. His face is so sunburned that he was getting blisters. He looks like shit and the only sound he made was whispering your brother's name once. I didn't feel like I could take him to the hospital so I asked Jody. She swore a nurse friend to secrecy and brought her here to give him the once over, she said he'll heal. He seemed to recognize me, but I really don't know."

"We need to talk." Sam said, before he turned to walk down the hallway. He could feel Bobby on his heels. "Do you still have sleeping pills?"

"A few, why"

"If Dean wakes up, he's going to need one, probably chased by some scotch. I know that sounds like a bad idea, a really bad idea...but he needs time. We need to try and figure this out before he catches on."

"You don't think that he'll remember seeing Cas?

"I doubt it. This is a miracle, surprise, and clusterfuck all rolled into one. Bobby, as much as it might piss Dean off, you need to know what's going on. 

\-------------------------

Sam told Bobby everything, even the parts about Dean and Cas having sex on his couch (which Sam offered to steam clean for him). He told him about the sigils on his house, he told him about the warehouse, and he told him about the last few weeks between him and Dean. It took hours. Bobby just sat in silence, refilling his glass once or twice. 

"Sam, I think that we both know if we had a second chance we would do anything we could to hold on to it. Dean has lived one hell of a life, I'm sorry, but I still have hard feelings towards John when it comes to you boys. If anyone deserves love, it's Dean. If Cas makes Dean feel anything like Karen made me feel or Jessica made you feel, we have to get Cas through this. I get why you want to keep Dean out of it right now. It's too soon."

Sam sighed with relief. He was trying not to cry, all he'd ever wanted for Dean was to be happy and believe in himself. The problem? They didn't know what had happened. They didn't know what kind of condition Cas was in and they needed to get that figured out. They spent the night drinking coffee and taking turns sitting with Dean and Cas. When Sam heard Cas whisper his brother's name he leaned over the bed, "Cas. Do you know who I am?" Cas mumbled, "brother" and Sam couldn't have been happier. Dean was wondering why Bobby kept bringing him pills and scotch, but he was too tired to ask. He dreamed about Cas, he missed Cas so much that it hurt. He would give anything to touch him one last time, to hear his name spill between his beautiful lips. He was confused and sleepy. 

"Sam?" Dean whispered in the dark. 

"Yeah, Dean. I'm here."

"I feel like I've taken two steps back, man."

"Meaning?"

"I can't stop thinking about him. Pictures of him flash through my mind constantly. I see him, I feel him. I thought I was doing okay."

"It happens, Dean. That shit shows up when you least expect it."

"Why am I in bed, and upstairs."

Sam hesitated, "You, uh, passed out. I'm guessing lack of sleep or blood sugar because you haven't been eating."

"I need to get up, Sam. I'm going fucking crazy." Dean started to sit up.

"No, Dean, just rest, okay? Promise me that you'll start eating and sleeping."

"I can't make promises, Sam. I can try." he started crying, "when does it stop hurting, and don't tell me never. I can't accept 'never' as an answer."

"It will stop, just trust me."

Dean rolled over in the bed an started softly snoring. Sam didn't know if they were doing the right thing or the wrong thing. He was still trying to wrap his head around what had happened to Cas. It had been months since they sat outside of the warehouse and watched the flash of his grace exploding, the sound of him screaming. 

Cas became more alert, he was conscious of the pain he felt in his neck and on his face. The road rash on his cheek was fading and it looked like Bobby had been able to get rid of the infection in his neck. It had only been a few days, but they knew that they couldn't keep Dean drugged forever. They talked about it and thought that maybe they'd let Dean wake up and start moving around. He only went upstairs to shower. They could keep Cas's door shut. Dean would never think to go in there. The big problem? How would they tell Dean that Cas was there. Bobby stopped giving Dean pills and scotch and by the next morning he was sitting up. 

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked from the chair that he had pulled next to the bed.

"My head is fucking killing me and I can barely lift my arms and legs. Other than that, I'm fantastic."

"So what do you need? Food? Coffee? Tylenol?"

"How about the 'all of the above' option. After that, I need you to tell me what in the fuck happened."

Sam went downstairs to get Dean's 'all of the above' not knowing what to tell his brother.

He got back upstairs with a tray and Dean's room was empty. He checked the bathroom, but nobody was in there. With trepidation, he slowly pushed open the door to Cas's room. Dean was laying in the bed with Cas in his arms, he had found him.

"Sam" he mumbled, "I really don't care if this is real or part of a dream, but I can't let go of him."

Sam pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat down, "you awake enough to hear the truth?"

"I need to know."

"This is real, Dean. We have no idea how it happened, but Cas showed up in Bobby's driveway a few days ago."

"Sam, Cas is dead. We saw it happen."

"We were outside, we assumed it happened. Now I have absolutely no idea how he got here, but this is real. We've been keeping you apart until we figured out what was going on."

"The pills and the booze..."

"Yeah, and I told Bobby everything." Sam figured he might as well come clean. 

"Why didn't you just let me come in here with him." Dean cried softly.

"You saw him, Dean. You saw him, dropped a beer bottle on the floor, and passed out. We don't know what Cas remembers, we don't know what has happened to him."

"He said my name..."

"I know." Sam dropped his head in shame. Maybe he'd made the wrong decisions. Maybe him and Bobby had seriously fucked up.

"You know? And you let me..."

"Dean, we don't know what kind of condition he is in. He hasn't woken up in days."

"I'm not moving until he does." Dean whispered, pulling Cas close. "I don't care if this is actually some crazy fucked up dream, I need to be with him."

Sam nodded and grabbed the tray from the room that Dean had been in and brought it to him. "You still need to eat and sleep. You are no good to him if you don't take care of yourself." He walked out and shut the door behind him. He needed to find Bobby.

\-------------------------

"Cat's out of the bag. Dean found him. He's with him right now and won't move."

Bobby just sighed, "then maybe we need to just let things happen. I don't know what in the hell to do here. Second chances are not exactly my area of expertise."

"Mine either. So I figure we just leave them alone, check on them every couple of hours. Dean isn't going anywhere and Cas seems to be getting stronger."

\-------------------------

Dean actually slept, he slept for hours his hand on Cas's chest. He felt Cas roll in his arms and their eyes locked. "Dean?"

"Yeah baby, it's me. I'm here and I'm not leaving."

"Where are we?"

"We're at Bobby's. Somehow you found your way here. Do you remember anything?"

"Bits and pieces. They had the angel blade against me, they were going to kill me."

"I saw the light, Cas. I heard the scream."

"It wasn't me, it was them."

"You killed them? All of them?"

"No." Cas's mind was still so muddled, he couldn't remember exactly what happened, but he had an idea. "Archangel. Probably Gabriel."

"Gabriel showed up, offed the angels, and left you there?"

Cas reached up to try and scratch the bandage on his neck. Dean reached out to stop him. "They took my grace before they tried to kill me. They said that because of what I have been doing on earth I no longer deserved to be an angel."

"I'm sorry, Cas."

"Don't be. I don't even know if any of this is real. If it is, I need to tell you that I know what you mean when you say that you need me. I get it."

Dean pulled Cas closer and they both drifted off to sleep. 

\-------------------------

Cas was sitting up, slowly running his fingers through Dean's hair from where his head was resting on his lap. Sam and Bobby were both in chairs, waiting. "I watched you guys leave, I saw Dean dragging Sam out of the warehouse. I was ready to die when they slit my throat and pressed the angel blade against my chest." he lifted his shirt to look, and there was a mark. It wasn't an open wound, Bobby had seen it when he first found Cas and figured it must be an old scar. "But the blade fell to the floor and somebody yelled for me to go. I was confused, I couldn't see the door. I crawled to a dark corner, covered my ears, and watched them. They all died one by one. There were at least a dozen in there that I could see, probably more hiding. I heard fluttering and then everything went silent and black. I must have passed out. By the time I crawled out of the building, the car was gone. I followed the tire tracks to the highway, but I didn't know where to go from there. My grace is gone, I can't just move around like I used to, so I started walking. It was a priest who found me the next day, curled up on a park bench. I couldn't talk, I couldn't explain what had happened to me but he took to to his church gave me food and clothes. That's all I did, was walk. I'd find homeless shelters or other churches, most nights I curled up under a bush and tried to sleep for a couple of hours. I finally remembered that Bobby lives in Sioux Falls and I knew I had to get here. I didn't have money for a bus, I found a map and figured out where I was. I had been going the wrong direction. I tried to hitchhike but nobody would pick me up, probably because of how bad I looked. I finally made it to Sioux Falls but passed out three or four times until I saw the salvage yard sign. I crawled down the drive and everything went black. I thought I was dead, but I knew that if I was, at least you would know that I tried to find you."

"But at the warehouse...who? I mean..." Sam stuttered. Cas's story was almost unbelievable.

"It had to have been an Archangel. My guess is Gabriel."

Dean turned his head to look at Sam. They had dealt with Gabriel before, but not under the best circumstances and he didn't want Sam bringing that up. If Cas didn't know or remember, it was best to leave it that way, Gabriel had saved Cas's life.

"That's one hell of a story boy, and to be perfectly honest, I thought you were dead too." He got up out of the chair and squeezed Cas on the shoulder, "it's nice to have you back. I'm going to go call Jody and let her know what's going on." 

They heard Bobby walking down the stairs when Cas looked down at Dean, "Jody? You mean Sheriff Mills? Am I in trouble."

Dean just laughed, "No, Cas. Bobby called her when you first got here. That gash on your neck was infected, you had road rash, you were sunburned and dehydrated. He knew that he couldn't take you to a hospital so Jody and a friend of hers, a nurse, came over checked on you. He called Sam right after they left. He didn't tell Sam that you were here. The assholes actually drugged me so that I'd leave you alone." Cas turned and looked at Sam.

"We thought we were doing the right thing, I'm sorry."

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions, Sammy." Dean grinned.

"Dean..." Sam rolled his eyes.

"No, Sam, think about it. If you hadn't been killed, I wouldn't have traded my soul. If I didn't trade my soul, Cas wouldn't have saved me from the pit. Now I'm here laying in bed with an ex angel who has a jacked up face. Look at you Sam, you little matchmaker."

"Jacked up face?" Cas glared.

"Sorry, jacked up face or not, you're still adorable." Dean leaned up for a kiss. "And, you need a shower and clean clothes, c'mon." Dean got out of bed and reached back for Cas's hand.

"I don't know how long it's going to take me to get used to this shit, but I'll uh, put new sheets on the bed for you."

"Relax Sammy, we haven't messed up the sheets."

Sam heard the shower start and started grabbing sheets, blankets, and pillowcases. 

\-------------------------

Cas was in the kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee when he heard the knock on the door. Dean had convinced him that other than liquor, coffee was the nectar of the gods and now that he was human he had to get used to eating, drinking, and sleeping. He looked around and couldn't find anybody so he opened the door. 

Jody threw her arms around him and squeezed him tight, "Oh my god, Cas! I'm so happy to see you up and moving around. You look amazing."

Cas smiled, he'd always liked Jody. "I feel a lot better. Bobby told me that you came over to help him the day he found me, I want to thank you for that."

"Don't thank me, Cas. You needed help."

"Well, could I ask for one more favor?"

"Sure, anything."

"Dean is trying to convince me that coffee is the greatest invention since, I think he said porn. Honestly, it tastes like shit. I think I'm doing something wrong."

Jody laughed and grabbed milk out of the refrigerator and sugar out of the cupboard, "I'll show you the ropes. Not all of us are hardcore black coffee drinkers like these bullheaded Winchesters and even more bullheaded Bobby Singer." Bobby had told Jody as much as he was comfortable saying over the phone. The boys had helped her once and so she knew about the life. She knew that Cas was an angel, or had been. And just like everyone else, she always had her suspicions about Dean and Cas. "So where are those bullheaded men anyway?"

"Bobby's probably just in the living room, I'm not sure about Sam and Dean." he watched Jody walked away and heard her muffled voice, "Damn you, Bobby Singer. An old friend comes to say hello and you can't even get your grumpy ass up to give me a hug." 

Cas looked out the window and saw Sam and Dean walking around the yard, talking. Things were different between them, Cas could feel it. But, Dean was different. Dean was happy.

\-------------------------

"I'm sorry you never got a second chance, Sam. You're the one who deserves it." The brothers were walking around the yard aimlessly, just talking. Sam hadn't felt this close to Dean since they were kids.

"Why would I deserve it more than you do? Somebody around here deserves a break, and after all of the shit you've been through, it's you."

"I just hate that you see Cas, you see us together and probably wonder what might have been."

"I will always wonder what might have been, Dean." Sam said softly. "Cas came back, he shouldn't have, but he did. I see you together and it's like seeing a whole new Dean. He loves you, man."

"I know he does. It's sill so surreal to me, it's like I wake up every morning surprised that he is there. I mean, he died for me. For months I thought that he'd died for me. And then what he went through to find us...and then you and Bobby..."

"We've always known. We were just waiting for you to figure it out. Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course"

"Does it matter that he's not an angel anymore."

Dean sighed and looked at the ground, "I'm actually glad that he's not an angel anymore. That probably doesn't make sense, but no more being chased, no more hiding and warding, I still sport the enochian on my rib cage and that's kind of cool," he smiled. "I don't want Castiel. That guy drove me nuts. I just want Cas." They heard Jody's car pull up and heard her squeal when Cas opened the door. They just looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Jody was an amazing woman and tough as nails, but they knew that she'd be babying Cas in a matter of minutes. "What do you want to bet she helping him make coffee?" Dean asked. Sam chuckled and they kept walking.

"Are you okay with a chick flick moment? I need to just get it out of my system." Sam asked.

"We've had a lot of those lately, one more isn't going to hurt."

"Now that he's back, Cas dying was one of the best things that has ever happened to us. We've always had our misunderstandings and our resentments. We are two entirely different people. But I get you now. I get why you stayed with dad, I get all of your anger. I get your self doubt, but you've got to let that shit go, Dean. I have always looked up to you, man. I still do. I want you to see yourself the way that I do, the way that Bobby does, especially the way that Cas does. You need to see yourself as something more than just Dean Winchester the best hunter out there."

"I'm trying, Sam."

"Keep trying. You have three people here who care about you more than anything. We both know that you're Bobby's favorite." Sam grinned. "Now we should probably get our asses in the house and say hello to Jody before she tracks us down with pepper spray or something." Sam turned back towards the house but Dean reached out and grabbed him, pulling him into a bear hug. "Thanks, Sammy." he whispered between the tears. 

\-------------------------

"Sam! Dean!" Jody squealed when the brothers walked into the house. "Just as handsome as always."

"Actually, I'm the handsome one. Sam's just tall." Dean grinned as she gave him a hug.

"You boys staying out of trouble?" 

"Not a chance in hell" Sam smiled as he bent down for his hug.

"Cas looks good, I'm starting to think that he may be the handsome one around here." Cas was leaning against the counter just watching when Dean winked at him. "And Dean Winchester, the least you could have done was show the guy how to make a decent cup of coffee. There is no shame in cream and sugar." She gave them a small wave before she walked out the door and down the stairs to her car.

\-------------------------

Dean pulled Cas to him in the dark, they hadn't really touched since Cas came back. He didn't know if it was because he was afraid of hurting Cas or because they were at Bobby's, but he missed Cas. He needed to feel him. "Dean? Are you sure?" Dean gently kissed him and rolled him on his back, "I miss you, Cas." Cas's hands were needy when he ran them across Dean's shoulders, his fingers digging into the flesh, waiting to feel Dean's mouth on his again. Dean's tongue finally slid against his and he gasped, he needed this. Dean was slowly rocking between his legs, their cocks growing hard between them. He started kissing and biting the soft skin on Cas's neck, full lips pulling the blood to the surface. He was already panting when he placed a kiss on the base of Cas's throat and slid his body down, gently biting and sucking, taking a sensitive nipple between his teeth, eliciting a moan. He could spend all night touching and kissing Cas, loving the feel of his body, the soft skin and toned muscles beneath his hands and mouth. Cas was moaning and moving his body against Dean's touch. He felt his boxers slide down his legs and onto the floor alongside Dean's. Now they were flesh to flesh and Dean had wrapped his hand around the base of Cas's hard cock. He felt the moan in his chest when Dean started stroking him slowly, his fingertips gliding along the silky skin. "Dean" he whispered, "I want to..." Dean kept moving his hand, kissing and sucking on the soft skin on Cas's lower stomach. He looked up, trying to find Cas's eyes, "are you sure?" He wanted to be inside of Cas, he wanted to feel all of him, but he didn't want to hurt him. "I'm sure. Lube?" Dean loved that Cas was such an eager lover, he couldn't seem to get enough. "Nightstand..." Cas rolled to open the drawer and fumbled around until he found it. He set it on the bed next to him and reached down to pull Dean towards him. He spread his legs and tilted his hips, handing Dean the bottle. He cleared his mind of everything but the feel of Dean's body while he waited for the first finger. Wincing , but moaned, he rocked his hips back and forth to let Dean know he was ready. The second finger found the sweet spot and he tilted his head back, softly calling Dean's name. "You...I need you..." he whispered. Dean pushed his legs further apart and pressed the head of his cock against Cas, he took a deep breath and buried himself deep, hearing Cas's cry of pain and pleasure. Cas tilted his hips higher and dug his fingers into Dean's back, rocking against him. His breath caught when Dean's slick hand surrounded his cock and started slowly moving up and down, running his palm across the head. Dean wanted to please him. Dean's cock sliding against his sweet spot and his hand stroking him was too much and Cas came, moaning and crying out Dean's name. Hearing his name made Dean start throbbing and he started to thrust faster, knowing that Cas could take it. He heard Cas whimper with the final thrust and he dropped his head to Cas's chest, sweat dripping down his forehead. "Oh my god...baby..." he whispered. "You are..." he was still breathing so hard that he could barely talk. Sex with Cas always felt new. When Cas's fingertips slid down his spine he visibly shivered and finally relaxed, letting his body melt against him. He was crying, and he knew that Cas was too. He finally went limp and rolled over, reaching for tissues so that he could wipe off their stomachs. Cas leaned in for one last long kiss before he felt Dean wrap his arms around him and pull him close. "Cas, I meant it when I said that it's always been you. You are my everything." He could feel Cas's crying against his chest. He knew what Cas wanted to say, but couldn't through the tears. Dean held him tighter and kissed the top of his head before they both fell asleep.

\-------------------------

Dean and Cas sat in the parked car just staring at the building in front of them. Cas was gripping Dean's hand so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

"You don't have to do this, Cas, but I need to. Maybe it doesn't make sense, but I can't let this damn building haunt me forever. I lost you twice in there."

"I know, Dean." Cas whispered. "I need to do it too."

Dean didn't turn his head towards Cas this time, he pulled his hand out of Cas's grip and got out of the car. They walked towards the warehouse, broken glass crunching under the soles of their boots. It had been months since the night they came to meet the angels. Cas unknowingly reached up to scratch his neck. The cut had healed and was now a thick scar, and constant reminder of who he'd been. Dean stopped at the door and reached back for Cas's shaking hand, leading him inside. The floor was littered with glass and dust, the subtle black marks in the shape of angel wings barely visible to the human eye, but they both saw them. Dean pulled Cas into his arms, "I brought you here so that we could walk out together. No more nightmares, no more goodbyes." He ran his hands up the side of Cas's face and cradled it, pulling their mouths together in a long but gentle kiss. "I need you, Cas. I always will." Cas just nodded and kissed him back. "I know."


End file.
